Hey guys, todays blog post is gonna be a little different from me. Usually I talk about fashion & makeup on here, but i have to be honest, lately I have not been feeling like myself. I don’t know if its the holidays or what exactly, but making content in any form has been so hard for me. I struggle with comparing myself to others and getting jealous seeing where other people are in there life, and recently its become more of a problem than I thought.
If i’m being honest, which is what I want for this blog post especially, Im not where I thought I would be right now.
Originally when I moved to Des Moines, I wanted to be an esthetician. I was so excited for this journey that i was taking by moving to a new city and having a whole new life ahead of me. But while I was in school, I was miserable. I really was struggling with a lot, I mean, I had just moved to a new city where i didn’t know a soul. I was starting a new school and a new job, I was insanely busy and tired. and it wore me out. & even when I got out of school I still felt very out of place, I felt like I still didn’t know what i wanted to do and what direction my life was suppose to go in. It sucked because I felt so lost!
& then 2018 was a thing, and my 2018 was definitely was my worst year. To sum it up, I was not in a good place. I had lived here for a year and it felt like i had no close friends, still making no money & struggling and I was just sad. At one point i had two jobs and i finally got one in my career field and so I had three jobs, and the moment i felt like I was happy and in a good place, the career job I had started got ripped away from me in ONE DAY & I was BROKEN from it. I had to start completely over from the beginning again and it sucked. I was able to take a new job in the esthetician and it was good for a second, but it just turned sour after some time and I eventually left that one also, so I was starting over again. I left that one in 2019 and even tho I wasn’t doing anything in my career field I was happy, which at this point, I was trying to find joy in absolutely everything so to finally have a job I was happy in was absolutely incredible.
Lets skip a few months really quick. Its 2020, its November, I’m excited where things are going, I see what i’m trying to build for myself and i can see it coming together, but I’m still not fully happy, because like i said earlier, i know i’m not where i want to be. and I look at myself and I look at my friends, and I see how they are succeeding in certain areas of their life way more than I am, whether its in their career or love or whatever. I know comparison is not good for anyone but for some reason i cant help it. For myself, I’ve had to start my career over now almost three times because it never worked out in the end and now I’m doing stuff differently than I ever thought. And i know its good because I am succeeding in my own way, but looking at other people I still feel like i’m so far behind everyone right now. And something I struggle with a lot os pushing my own things down. I want my friends and family to know they can count on me and i want them to be able to talk to me, which I know they all know they can, but I just don’t like to talk about my feelings when it comes to the hard stuff like this so its starting to become me holding on to everything my friends are telling me while holding on to my own problems and it has become too much for me. Its exhausting being so emotionally drained. I hit my breaking point and its a good thing, because otherwise I wouldn’t have come to the conclusion that I needed to change the way I do things around here.
The thing with this blog post is there no like specific ending, like I’m not here to be like “and this is exactly how I over came this feeling” because I’m currently going thru it right now. I do know, that whats different about now than in 2018, is that I’m in a much better place emotionally and spiritually. My relationship with God isn’t great, Ive definitely pushed him away this year, but the relationship I have with him currently is more than I had even last year, and I will be continuing working on it while I work on being completely happy and content on where I am in life because I know deep down, I am right where I am suppose to be and where everyone else is is right where they are suppose to be. If this is something you struggle with also, please let me know if you are comfortable. Lets be each others helper and encourage each other, this isn’t easy and we can all help each other out.
I love you guys so much. Im always here for you and praying for you.
Much love XO